FINALLY, a trailer for Rob Zombie's The Lords Of Salem

And it is amazing!!!

I am writing this before the video has even made its way to YouTube, but you can watch the glorious minute and forty seconds RIGHT HERE.

Watch it. Go on, you won't regret it!

Ok, now that you've checked it out, can we gush about it? Cuz I want to gush about it. I am big in to my Italian horror, particularly liking the more visual work of Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci, and it is fair to say Lords of Salem not only gives the maestros a nod, but also gives them a run for their money. The storyline is even a throwback to the golden age of horror (70s and 80s, don't dare go on about Frankenstein with me!), with Zombie's wife Sheri Moon Zombie playing a DJ who plays a mysterious record that brings back a coven of witches who were executed centuries before. That always makes me think of Demons, and though that isn't a great film, it is so high on concept.

Overall, this trailer is the first trailer to actually get me excited. I've been following Lords of Salem since well before it even hit preproduction, and was worried all the amazing things I was seeing were too good to be true, but now I feel like this may in fact be an incredible film. Well, an incredible film for anyone who likes Italian horror. The trailer is even filled to the brim with startling and epic imagery, as all the classics had. 

If you don't think this looks like one of the most unmissable films of recent memory, then you are obviously the kind of person more excited about a sequel to Avatar. We have nothing more to discuss*.

Lords of Salem? Come on, how can you not??


*Please don't leave. I am very insecure. Is that a new haircut? It looks amazing.



UPDATE:
YouTube has come through. Here is the trailer, for those who don't like clicking through links above.

Texas Chainsaw 3D gets a trailer

And it isn't pretty...



So, you watched it? What did you think? Pretty unremarkable, right? Yeah, it kinda is... 

The TCM films would be up there as one of my favourite series, but they have always had patchy ground in terms of sequels. Unfortunately, this trailer looks like the film is going to be more TCM: The Next Generation  than TCM the remake (which, frankly, is one of the better entries in the oeuvre). The story right away seems done and lame (how many times can we watch kids in a house get butchered!?), the trailer is filled with 'Ooh look at it come out of the screen' 3D and, oddly, the actual visual style looks cheap. I can't believe I am about to say that this trailer tells me the film needs more Michael Bay!

Carrot Top was pushed too far.

There was some hope for TC3D, what with a lot of the original cast making cameo appearances, but this looks like it might be little more than a gimmick for the 3D crowd. But you never know, I know there is only a fleeting glimpse of something that is apparently quite a bit setpiece of the film, so this might be one of the only trailers to not show off the whole film in 2 and a half minutes.

Also, to be pedantic, but there is no 'massacre' in the title. Literally just a Texas chainsaw (albeit in 3D). I'm hoping some gardening enthusiast stumbles across this trailer, thinking Hollywood has finally caught on to his passion for pruning! 

MAMA is coming....

After what seems like an eternity of waiting, MAMA is on its way.



What started life as one of the creepiest short films I have ever seen is now on its way to cinemas under the banner of Guermo Del Toro, and directed by short helmer Andres Muschietti. The trailer is very promising, giving us a dark cross of We Need To Talk About Kevin and Case 39 (which sucked beyond belief). The only slight cause for alarm is the one shot of what we can assume is Mama crawling around the landing, looking mighty CGI, but it is still early days, so let's hope Mama lives up to the high standard of its short counterpart.

Expect the flick in 2013.

With trailers like these, why watch the whole thing?

Being bed-bound, I am restless and wanting to watch stuff, and what started as a curious viewing of the trailer for John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness has led me into the insanity of the most fantastically bad B-movie trailers/clips you could ask for! 


The best thing about these trailers is that they are obviously for films so bad that they put all the best bits in the trailer, so you know if you watch the full length thing you will just see a load of filler between the amazingly crap latex monster from the trailer.


You may notice an awful lot of these are from the 80s. What the hell was wrong with that decade? Anyway, there's 16 hours of films condensed into less than 20 minutes. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...


THE BRAIN (1988)
All I know is what Wikipedia tells me, which is that this has some sort of anti-Scientology message, and that it hasn't been released on DVD. That's more than enough!



THE ABOMINATION (1986)
Sweet Jesus, this looks amazing!!! That amazing sound design! Those realistic and not at all boringly white sets! Those severed arm effects! 



DARK UNIVERSE (1993)
This is the REAL Alien sequel, not that silly Prometheus nonsense. From the back of the box: “From the darkest corner of the universe comes an alien terror with a cold-blooded mission...conquer the earth [sic] and harvest it’s [sic] inhabitants as a food source. Can our world survive this nightmare from deep space. [sic]”



AMERICA 3000 (1986)
'Love is the only thing worth nuking'. Truer words have never been said...



THE POWER (1983)
Earth... Fire... Wind... I guess this is Captain Planet without the Heart?



TERRORGRAM (1988)
Darth Vader uses the force in an all-new cringy way! 



ALIENATOR (1990)
The Earth is under attack from toy space ships and bad 80s hair dos!



HELLGATE (1989)
Hellgate! Hellgate! Did I mention this film is called Hellgate!? On video cassette finally!



DEADTIME STORIES (1986)
Oh no...



GALAXY OF TERROR (1981)
I love how these trailers are so blind to the fact we don't care what happens in the film, that we just wanna see the crazy shit they give us in the trailer.



DOLLY DEAREST (1991)
'Isn't she beautiful?' What? The pants-shittingly terrifying human sized doll? Yeah... Sure... It's not like she'll be an evil killer or something.