EVIL DEAD 2013: Daring you to see it

Well, it's all abuzz on the internet now; here is the RED BAND trailer for the new Evil Dead remake. Keep in mind, this gets pretty grisly!



My thoughts? I love it.

I'm a massive whore for the original films (well, the first two), and think Drag Me To Hell is a spiritual sequel to Sam Raimi's cult classics. Skepticism for the remake is definitely abated by the fact that Raimi, other original producer Rob Tapert and original star Bruce Campbell are on board and being guiding lights in the production. I don't think the film can ever feel like a true part of the Evil Dead mythos, but that is more down to just how much time has passed and how far cinema has gone. Seeing a bloody vomit, head in bag, Book of the Dead wrapped in barbed wire, a woman being kicked into a cellar, and the return of the rapey trees (man, I sound so misogynistic!) makes me think this film won't pull punches and will hopefully be as much of a hoot as the original film. I doubt it will be quite as quirky as Evil Dead 2, though there does seem to be some deeply dark humour to be found in the trailer, so maybe the film will be peppered with that.

One of the most annoying trends recently has been trailers giving too much away (see Sinister for a prime example), and I fear that this trailer is so good that that may be what is the case here, but then again, most of the demonic action seems to focus on just one woman, and as we all know from the original, each member of the group is tortured one by one, so here's to hoping.

Evil Dead coming in the next couple of months? Yes, please!

Final Trailer For "A Good Day To Die Hard"

Loads of action! Loads of Bruce Willis one liners! Loads of "Die Hard"...................here's the new and final trailer for "A Good Day To Die Hard". Here's the link to the trailer on YouTube: http://youtu.be/_BMmRdAW2yw

Hi-Res Versions Of Promo Pics From "Star Trek Into Darkness"

You MUST Know What I Think! Worst of 2012

And now, we get into the nitty gritty. After my Best of 2012, you know you have to go for a good aul rant for the worst. This one even stays with horror, for the most part, though I like to think all of them are terrifying in their own special ways. Don't worry, I've limited the list to 5, to spare you your eyeball muscles.

Watch this space for the noncommittal list that is The Spaces In Between, where a good deal of films that otherwise would have ended up here, are spared owing to some things that just about justify them. this list is very genre-non-specific. 2012 will be a nice horror year, I promise, but for now, enjoy my opinion on cinema 2011.

5. The Wicker Tree
The semi-sequel of The Wicker Man, the original cult classic, not the Nic Cage woman-punching film, returns to similar themes of paganism and sacrificial rituals he explored decades earlier. The difference this time? He made a film so unbelievably dull that I'd say it must be seen to be believed, but there is a high chance you will fall asleep during it. Even if this exact film had been made back in the 70s, it would still have been tame and slow paced. I have an awful lot of respect for director Robin Hardy, but unfortunately this film packs little in the way of bite, action, scares, intrigue, interest, plot, good dialogue, cinema. The trailer is a better watch than the film, since it promises a film where a popstar is born-again and travels to a remote island to convert its heathen inhabitants. You can read my descent into insanity as I watched the film right here.

4. The Amazing Spider-Man
Here is one I have taken a lot of slack for, but fuck it, this film reaaaalllllllllly sucked. I could go in to detail, but my friend Tim does a very eloquent job of it right here. I read that before going in to the film, but I kept an open mind. The trailers were lame ducks, but they did seem to promise an almost Batman-like level of rebooting after Sam Raimi's admittedly poor Spider-Man 3, so off I went, Spidey fan, open-minded. And good God, Lemon, did it suck. Again, see Tim's rant for full info, but he is 100% right. As a fan, I hated it. People keep saying Andrew Garfield is a much better Peter Parker than Tobey Maguire, but they are wrong. This is a fact. He is a brilliant actor, and I hope he does many more great roles, but this isn't one of them. He has NO character arc, is a smug-faced wise-ass from the get-go, and almost seems to get the superpowers just be to more of an asshole. Really, the only way this film can actually work for his character is if the sequel reveals he is actually the super-villain all along, because it is pretty much going that way. Even as normal Pete, his flirting with Emma Stone's great Gwen Stacey is just cringy, in the wrong way. If I could, I would have punched him in the face right there and then. They even get the trademark costume wrong.

What are the redeeming factors of the film? Well, Stone and Martin Sheen are pretty cool, there is that knife joke from the trailer, and it is cool to see the Lizard realised in a live-action movie (even if he looks faker than the Goombas from the Super Mario Bros film), but that's it. Fuck, the film can't even follow its own clichés for more than a few seconds. A crippled Spidey must swing across town, but his leg is in too much agony. Then all the cranes arrange just for him. And he can do it! And is then fine! Wait... Why couldn't he swing when it was his leg hurting? And why is it then a nonissue? The film didn't jump the shark, it arranged the cranes.

And as for gritty? Not here. The film looks a bit more Batman-esque than Raimi's series, but that is it. It halfheartedly wants to be cool, and that is exactly what comes across. The film feels like some execs saw a chance to try capitalise on The Dark Knight's success, and threw scenes than their tweenage audiences thought would be totally rad (is that still a thing?). Well, it is a fucking soulless film. It is a cash whore. It is insulting to the audience and humanity everywhere. And shame on all of us for giving it our money. And now there is a sequel on the way. Well, congratulations, we reached a peak with The Avengers, and have quickly fallen down to The Amazing Spider-Man.

Spider-Man 3 isn't looking so bad now, crotch thrust and all.

3. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
It isn't even as good as the first installment. Do I need to say more?

2. The Devil Inside
Ahhhh, here is one everyone has taken shots at, and I have been looking forward to my chance. This film had massive buzz around it, and a pretty damn good trailer that got me excited for it. Then the film came out. Well, kinda. They famously forgot to include an ending. Instead, you go to a website to find out more of the story, where you are treated to... nothing. I'd almost prefer if there was a Giff of monkeys pointing and laughing at me, because then at least I'd know the filmmakers had been smart enough to know how well their tricks had worked. It actually is almost clever not having an ending to the film, since it is found footage, and realistically, most people wouldn't film past a certain point, but this was a fucking cinematic experience. People payed a LOT of money to see this, and were very openly heisted. I could forgive the film if it was a brilliant film otherwise, and the lack of ending was almost an Inception-like mindfuck, but no. This film blows throughout. Let's be clear here, there is NO WAY to make priests intimidating subject matter (bar the obvious closed-doors naughtiness). When you see them taking demons and possession seriously, it's like watching a kid pretend they are in a rocket to the moon; entertaining but completely fantastical and childish. 

So, the plot the film wants us to take seriously is stupid. But oooh, there is a woman actually possessed, and her daughter is with the team of priests filming this (who are unintentionally hilarious every time they take things serious). Scares abound, right? Nope. We get the mother being loud. And then showing an inverted cross in her mouth. Now that bugs me. Maybe in the 70s you could get away with that, but not now. How many films and TV shows have pointed out the inverted cross isn't satanic at all, but the way St. Peter was crucified as a sign of respect to Jesus Christ? If a film based around religion can't get this simple fact right, what chance does the rest of it have? Not much. The entire thing is near incoherent and stupid beyond belief. It will insult you. It will demean you. But two things it won't do for you? Entertain or scare you.

1. The Chernobyl Diaries
I have already written a massive warning for people to avoid this film, and make sure if anyone asks me about any good films knocking about, that they steer clear of this one. One thing all the above bad films have in common is that they tried to be decent. Even if they were insulting to the audience, or simply trying to grab your cash, they all at least had the respect to make it seem like they could have been good somewhere along the line but then just lost the plot. The Chernobyl Diaries, though? It is a ridiculously bad film. I cannot for the life of me figure out how they got it so wrong. I mean, some tourists get trapped near the reactor where the Chernobyl meltdown happened, and it turns out they are not alone. Sooooo simple. And it gets it completely wrong. Have a watch of the trailer, then don't ever give this film any more thought in your life. See how the trailer is found footage? The film isn't. See how the trailer promises some sort of menace? The film fails to deliver completely. See how the trailer has some scary moments? The film even fucks those up. See how the trailer seems some way exciting? The film isn't. It is, in fact, long, boring, beyond cliché, and head-wreckingly poor. The only thing that I liked was a jump scare involving a bear, but that happens early on, and in any other film wouldn't be such a stand out moment.

DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM! If you do, they might make a sequel. WE CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN! FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY, DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN!!!


Well, there you have it, my worst of the year. There are an awful lot of films left off this list, but you can expect a lot of them to show up in tomorrows The Spaces In Between. What did you make of this list? Did you find these wrecks as bad as I did? Or did you actually love a film I knocked here? Let me know below.

The "Justice League" Line-Up Revealed?

A rumored line-up for the 2015 "Justice League" live-action film has been leaked online. It reveals that Henry Cavill's Superman and Ryan Reynolds's Green Lantern could actually appear in the upcoming planned DC Cinematic Universe after all.
It's been rumored for ages that there would be two split universes. One was the planned reboot "Batman" franchise and the upcoming "Man Of Steel" franchise and the other was going to just be based on the "Justice League". Now it seems that it could be all one universe.
Here's the line-up, courtesy of ComingSoon.net:
• Superman is essentially the same character from Man of Steel, and Zack Snyder is consulting regarding the writing of the character.
• Batman: The strategist of the group. Batman doesn't really want to be involved with these super powered beings he considers too powerful. Easily the most complex written.
• Wonder Woman: She has only been in man's world a few short months. The Wonder Woman script Michael Goldenberg is developing will be set before the Justice League movie. 
• Green Lantern: Will be Ryan Reynold's character from the Green Lantern movie, but will be freshly written with a more serious tone.
• Flash: The most popular hero in civilian eyes who loves media attention, but when called upon is very serious.
• Martian Manhunter: Alien who has lived on Earth in secret for over a hundred years who has knowledge of Darkseid and his reign. 
• Aquaman: Will be the King of Atlantis who has a key role in the film.
• There will also be a heavy military presence in the film which in future rewrites could include characters featured in Man of Steel or even Amanda Waller (Angela Bassett) of which neither are included in the first draft.
• Alfred Pennyworth is in the film in a minor appearance.
• Lois Lane is also in the film in a cameo.
• Darkseid's Elite will be featured who go up against the Justice League early on in the film.

You MUST Know What I Think! Best of 2012

Well, it is that time of year again; The BEST of films from the year. 

Actually, it's about 2 days too late, but blame constantly exploding laptops. But for now, I am back on my trusty Dell, which never disappoints, unlike this previous year in horror (oh ye, nice segue). Last year, I promised this list would be more horror populated in 2012 since it seemed like such a promising year, and I even have a post of what was then on its way to the silver screen that was exciting me. Unfortunately, just like my promises of consistency, this list strays from the path of horror immensely. In fact, this year I will be following up with not only a WORST of 2012 post, but a SPACES IN BETWEEN, for those films that weren't bad, but overall disappointing. There are some glaring omissions here, since I haven't seen some films like The Hobbit or Paranormal Activity 4 yet, but hey, what good would I be if I was fully prepared for this post?

So, for the year the world kept turning, 2012, here is what I thought was the best on offer.

10. The Woman In Black

I wasn't a massive fan of the film, finding some inconsistencies, but I think the majority of those problems can be put down to the fact Daniel Radcliffe is a terrible, awful, wooden actor who was the worst case of stunt casting I have ever seen. I initially found the film itself middle of the road, but am in hindsight thinking it is quite fun, but the more and more I look at it, it seems that Potter drags down some immensely powerful talent around him to be a horrible putrid zit on an otherwise not too bad looking face.

9. Cosmopolis
I'm a massive fan of David Cronenberg, and hope he will return to his genre roots eventually, but until then, he seems to be pumping out films for critics to call 'high-brow' or 'unique'. Cosmopolis is definitely these things, but probably not in a good way. The trailer plays up the sex, drugs and violence of the film, which are certainly elements for Robert Patterson's despondent business tycoon in the back of a limo, but the film is all a monologue of a detached millionaire. Feeling very staged with long periods of inactivity, the film is actually pretty interesting, up until it reaches its climax, where it almost edges in to typical Hollywood, but then plays out almost 10 minutes too long. The film isn't a standout in Cronenberg's oeuvre, but is certainly an interesting piece for those looking for an inner struggle in a decaying world.

8. The Hunger Games
Battle Royale is one of my favourite films, so Hunger Games automatically loses points for basically being a candy-coated version of the Japanese classic, but the film on its own merit is enjoyable, engaging and biting from a satirical point of view. I'm not going to stand here and say it is high art or anything, but the film has a universal message of the wealth divide that it sends to the PG-13 crowd effectively (and heavy-handed). Though somewhat predictable or cliché in places, this actually benefits the film and its ability to appeal to all. THIS is a much more appropriate replacement for Harry Potter than the Twilight series.

7. Absentia

Technically a 2011 film, but only released on DVD in the UK in 2012, this is a micro-budget flick about a woman whose husband shows up years after inexplicably disappearing and being presumed dead. He appears disheveled and paranoid of a tunnel near the house, which we find is home to some otherworldly portal where demons can kidnap the living. Though it shows its low budget pedigree in many places, it is a very strong film with a consistent heavy tone. The former drug addict sister of our main character is fantastic, as is most of the cast. An idea that could have been hashed out and replicated in dozens of bargain bin flicks, this one stands out as something that has more of a heart than any of its low budget peers.

6. Dredd

I loved this film. It is simple. It is a shoot em up. It is a popcorn movie. There is nothing complex about the famous Chaos AD character, Judge Dredd, getting trapped in an apartment complex and hunted by a drug dealer's gangs, but this is the biggest plus of the film. I know some people are annoyed that none of Judge Dredd's 20+ year history is brought up in the film, but that is why this film is so good. It isn't trying to inject plot, or shoehorn a message in. Dredd is an officer who upholds the law, and executes those who break it. Plain and simple. You want deeper plot? Go watch the Sylvester Stallone version. What I was hoping for was this film to be a hit, and there to be a massive series (like 12 films) so we could go deeper into this character slowly but surely, but I guess that is never going to happen since the film didn't do impressive numbers. Stylistically, the film is probably up there with the next entry as most beautiful film of the year, and number 1 for best 3D. 

5. Moonrise Kingdom

Wes 'I can't help but make incredible films' Anderson returns with the story of a scout and a young girl who run off together on a small American island as the worst storm of years is about to hit. If you haven't seen this film, it is the one you HAVE TO see. Anderson's films always are unique, but this one feels like it was made from your grandfather's shag rug while reminiscing as Bill Murray walks in every now and again. Bruce Willis and Edward Norton will blow you away with roles that are fantastically awkward and hilarious.

4. The Cabin in the Woods

Many people have gone to town about this one and how good it is, and I agree. It is the best 'horror' I have seen this year, though I use the term horror loosely. In it, we see the stereotypical college kids go to the titular Cabin, where they are attacked by supernatural beings, but the twist being there are being watched and manipulated by a government-like organisation. I hated the trailer for this one, but was so pleasantly surprised when I saw it. The film is witty and amusing, and is a loving elbow to the ribs for horror fans (incidentally, if you liked this, check out Tucker and Dale VS Evil. A lot more silly, but brilliant). It is self-referential, as the Scream series was, but in a totally different way. Whereas those films were played straight with realistic characters who knew the horror rules, Cabin in the Woods are more the movie horror characters who find out why they do stupid things like run upstairs when chased, or call out 'who's there?'. I bring this up because there are 2 definite camps with this film; those who love it as a tongue-in-cheek nod to typical and worn horror troupes; and those who think it is a failure as a horror film and full of itself. I agree it isn't a good horror film (I would almost prefer to stay with the mundane organisation behind the whole operation than the action with the kids), but for me, it is a ridiculously fun film, keeping in line with Joss Whedon's sardonic humour of Buffy, Firefly or even The Avengers.

3. The Avengers

Speaking of Joss Whedon. You all know what The Avengers is about; some of Marvel comics most well know characters (well, if you exclude Spidey or the X-Men), plus some ones you mightened know, trying to save the world from a Demigod who is hell bent on ruling the earth. The film is big budget and explosive, and the wet dream of comic fans everywhere. This isn't a heavy experience, it's about sitting in your seat and letting the action hit, with it being punctuated by fantastic wit and gags. The first act of the film is poor, and every now and again, I did find myself going 'these people are in stupid costumes', but once Robert Downey Jr shows up on his mission to steal every scene, the film never lets up. Steve Rogers, one of the weakest of the 'pre' Avengers films, Captain America, shines bright in the ensemble, playing well as the clean cut, modest patriot to RDJ's cocky and egomaniacal Iron Man. This is a highlight in a genre of comic book films hit by diminishing returns, and a sign that the golden age of the comic book movie may have life in it yet.

2. Prometheus

Here's one a lot of people hate. Not me. There's a lot of points people make of the film that are easy to argue (certain things people think are plot holes which aren't, thinking of it as a horror when it clearly isn't nor ever was supposed to be), and some that are not so easy to. Most people were let down, since they were expecting a great prequel to Alien. Even though director Ridley Scott had always said it had started as a prequel but no longer was, everyone knew he was just trying to give us a show. But it is a very different kettle of fish than his face-hugging original. This film obviously happens in the same universe, but has little to do with the rest of the series. In fact, it has far more to do with Blade Runner. The film's faults are some of the clichés that come through in the characters and plot, though some of these feel more like they were there but truncated in the edit. As far as action films go, it lets the side down, but this is the thing, Prometheus isn't a typical action film. In fact, the film is all very symbolical, hidden underneath the veneer of a typical multiplex mainstay, and annoyingly, too well hidden for a lot of people. It is a pondering on what it means to be human, and what if it actually means nothing. I can see why people don't like it, but for my money, this is a film that gets better and better every watch, and one that will be essay worthy for many academics, you just wait and see. 

Scott has stated there is also going to be a sequel to Blade Runner 2, and there will be a sequel to Prometheus. Through some small lines in the BluRay extras, it has been established that Blade Runner and Prometheus actually exist in the same universe, and I am theorising that these 2 upcoming sequels may in fact be one and the same. Now THERE would be a twist.

1. The Dark Knight Rises

A lot of hate for this one from a lot of people, but I'm sorry, it is enjoyable and the best film of the year for me. People were let down because, really, it isn't as good a film as The Dark Knight, but whereas The Dark Knight is an amazing crime thriller about a criminal mastermind and the balance between good and evil, The Dark Knight Rises is what happens when that balance fails and order is thrown into chaos. Like Prometheus, TDKR suffers from a lot of information passing too briefly, making it seem a bit poorly thought out, and I imagine there exists a cut that adds in half an hour of footage to the first hour of the film. So much happens in this film, it could only benefit by a Lord of the Rings-style extended edition. Not to add in scenes, but to play what is there out slower. Beyond that, it is brilliant. There are some moments here and there that are questionable, but people have been making a bigger deal out of them because they were expecting so much from this film. As a whole, Batman's villain, Bane, is as identifiable as The Joker (ok, the voice is a bit funny, but in a perfectly recognisable way), and puts the caped crusader through both personal and public trials. The Dark Knight stripped away Batman's loved ones, The Dark Knight Rises is about breaking the Bat himself. 

Great film. Number one.

Test Footage For "Hong Kong Phooey" And "Marvin The Martian" Live-Action Films Released!

So test footage for a potential "Hong Kong Phooey" and "Marvin The Martian" live-action films has been released online by the films director, Alex Zamm. A Phooey film has been in works for years and Eddie Murphy has signed on to provide his voice for Phooey. He plays Phooey in this test footage, which by the way, is pretty damn good looking for just a few minutes of test footage.

 I think the "Hong Kong Phooey" film could actually work alongside the likes of "The Smurfs" and "Yogi Bear", but it seems as though the project has been cancelled. This goes for the "Marvin The Martian" film too, which was set for a Christmas 2012 release date, but has now been cancelled also. 

Marvin's test footage is good also, but lacks that small thing that Phooey's test footage had. I think Phooey's film was going along the lines of "Shrek" humor, which is for both children and adults, whereas Marvin's looks like it was going to go along the lines of just plain "Smurfs" childish humor.